July / August 2004
Volume 22, Number 4

Just a little over a year ago, Dan and I were told that the baby I carried, our third child, had an AV canal heart defect and an 80% chance of being born with Down syndrome. I remember Dr. Spooner, a truly caring and sensitive man, apologizing for ruining our day. Our day, our life as we knew it, now hinged on the result of one test.

A month before our child was due, an amniocentesis confirmed that the baby had Down syndrome. Our worst fears had come true. I cried so many tears. The daughter I so desperately wanted and imagined had died. Now I was faced with a picture of uncertainty. What would “it” look like? How developmentally delayed would “it” be? Could I possibly love “it” the same as our boys, Ryan and Devin?

I was determined not to let my grief prevent this unknown entity from getting the best care possible. The first phone call I made was to the Down Syndrome Resource Center. I introduced myself to Diane Lang and explained that the child I carried had Down syndrome. Diane did not give me the expected response, “I am sorry.” Instead, her first word was “Congratulations.” Can you imagine? Congratulations? Diane spent so much time with me. She provided me with invaluable assistance and information. She was so sincere and caring.

Luckily for me, I had little time to grieve, a week later Brenna Elizabeth Mahoney was unexpectedly born on August 15, 2003. She was beautiful beyond my dreams. And although it was inconceivable to us that she could actually look like our family and yet have Down syndrome, there she was – an image of her brother Devin. Just looking at her made me forget my intention to hide in my hospital room. Congratulations is right!!!

The worries about Down syndrome took an immediate backseat to Brenna’s heart condition. Now it was necessary for us to concentrate on getting her as fat as possible as soon as possible. No easy task given that Brenna did not have the endurance to last through a feeding. On the day of her surgery, Brenna weighed 10½ pounds. She had only gained 3½ pounds in six months. We didn’t break any records, but at least we had reached our goal for her to weigh over ten pounds. There we stood in the pre-op area, surrounded by our families, kissing and hugging her goodbye. Before we knew it, the anesthesiologists were there to take her. We tearfully and reluctantly handed her over and then headed to the waiting area. After the longest five hours of our lives, Dr. Devejian delivered the words we had prayed for, “Everything went well and the leak is minimal.”

Now it is four months later and just looking at her it is impossible to imagine what she endured and how her impending surgery used to consume our thoughts every minute of the day. It seems like a dream; someone else’s life. But that baby, who couldn’t last through a 20 minute feeding, now weighs over 17 pounds. The baby that didn’t have any energy is now a mover and a shaker. One of nonstop action: reaching, grabbing, rolling, and learning new things every week.

Do I ever think about that baby girl I lost? To do so would mean that I would have to give up my Brenna – and give up looking at her face light up when Devin dances for her so I can empty the dishwasher, or watching Ryan come into her bedroom in the morning with a huge smile in answer to her smile and complaining about the malodorous smell coming from Brenna’s diaper, or the joy in her father’s face as she babbles at him or the laugh I get when she yells at me for getting up in the middle of her meal to grab something.

To all of us Brenna brings sunshine and laughter. We know the future is still filled with uncertainty for Brenna; the same can be said for Ryan and Devin. But they can be certain that Dan and I will love them through anything.